Jalan hidup seperti menaiki tangga.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate. 

From my perspective about living, we are getting higher day by day. Aku rasa hidup ni macam mendaki gunung. Everyday we learn, everyday we met new situation. Gunung tu ibarat ilmu also our journey to achieve our goals. So, dont you think, semasa nak mendaki tu, banyak cabaran yang kita akan lalui. Same with our daily life routine. Kalau kita dah berada di atas dont you think kita akan rasa puas gila? Sama macam kehidupan, when we achieved something, when we were on top, the feeling of being appriciated to self and been approciated by peers, such a blithe. After a long journey with extreme road, paid by our achievement, is that what you ever dreamt of? I never achieve my goals like seriously. I have no stance. Aku tak tahu apa yang aku kejarkan dalam hidup ini. I see my friends all have their planning on life while me just follow the flow. What road have been given, I just follow with a slow walk. I am the one who dont even bother to think about future since aku punya ambition to be an architect tak kesampaian. Aku give up in studies, aku tak ada kekuatan langsung.  
What I learnt here is, sesiapa yang ada duit atau sesiapa yang terpelajar is the one who should be respect. I mean, siapa kaya siapa pandai, orang lain semua patut dengar cakap dia. Yes, sini punya sistem memang macam ni. Mana pergi nya competitive yang sihat? I can not lah living in this kind of situation. Memang aku tak pandai, memang aku tak kaya, the insecurity level is high you know and I feel so down like seriously.
My journey of life is not end here. Trying to put my self into Falkuti Senibina Perancangan dan Ukur (FSPU) for my degree soon. That is my ambition, walaupun aku jatuh tidak bermakna aku tak boleh bangkit semula. I can fix this back. I want the title 'Ar' after my name. Ya Allah aku merayu kepada-Mu dan permudahkanlah jalan hidup hamba mu ini amin.

3rd semester.

 بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate. 

This semester have give me a big impact whereas I must learn on how to survive, alone. It doesnt mean that I have no friend, but it teach me for not tag along your own best friend into your problems. This is because, from big problems can become bigger. Not to say that dont even trust your best friend but if that is your problem, face it alone. You can get your solution in a way better than if you do it with your partner. So, lesson learned.
This semester have turned me from being a normal student to a very passive student where I dont talk to much with the person that I may not be closed. Since aku dah duduk menyewa rumah and didnt apply for the hostel, my life is totally change like, go to the class (campus) early, didnt skip the class often and my life became more complicated. Not to complain but I regret for not staying in the hostel. Hostel is the place where one big family live together. How I miss my hostel life back then. 
But I'm happy because god gave me a good friends, classmates, housemates even campus mates. All the friend that have been given, I assumed that they are my family here. Where I can share my problem (not asking them to solved it!) and my companion along my journey here to finished my diploma. I thank god that they are so annoyed so that my life are not boring at all. Some of my friends now are on their degree life after finished their foundation, so goodluck with that. 
Merbok have been nice to me since day 1. But the society it self are the one who always keep me pissed off. But its okay, I'm brave enough.
P/s I miss Merbok's sunny day.

Busy.

 بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate.

The situation is getting worst, problems are coming and stay. I dont see the solution yet but I know this will end soon enough.

My busy life is coming, brace yourself dear myself. Final is just around the corner, I dont just feel the the atmosphere yet I'm not ready in the other way of saying this. I dont get the momentum of studying for the finals. This semester paper are killing myself. From account to economics, from law to public administration study and from political study to relegion study. I can feel something bad is coming. I just pray for good and I dont want to be the repeaters. Shame on me, shame on behalf of my family and members. I will try to perform this semester, trying to increase my pointer and trying to change perception about my stupidity. People are underestimate me by saying my pointer are low so please dont be friend with me. Butoh pak hang lah. Dont judge the person by the pointer he or she get. Just dont. People are not stupid, maybe he or she are not into this. Like me, I'm not into this course. My passion is on drawing not reading the cases and solution. Please, my ambition before was to be an architect but god have better plan for me, so I just follow the flow. I'm sorry IF I will be kicked out from the university because like I said, I'm not into this kind of course. 

The jealousy is increasing seeing my friends got their self into the course that they admire from high school. The level of insecurity is also increasing. Let them be so that I can blame myself for not studying so hard for the SPM before. But, I'm still grateful.

Oh, it have been two days that I forgot to take my breakfast and lunch. Yes, I skip meal, not for the intention of diet-ing but my life is such a misserable back days. Thank you for the classes that UiTM have arranged for us, thank you for the lecturer submission date of the assignment, the quizes/test and for the replacement class that have no gap in between. I dont have time to chilling around right now and I promise to myself that I will get a fully body massage when I reach SAC and I hope groupon have the discount rate that I can buy. In the campus, I rarely have the chance to take my breakfast or lunch. Usually I will pass by the koperasi also known the kiosk that have the lembab-ness service. I will make my pit stop to buy bread and water then I will go through from one academic block to another academic block. I normaly will eat while walking like a satan, yes I know so shh, and my friend once said, "selekeh lah kau makan sambil jalan, buku penuh dekat tangan dengan bag nak terjatuh dah, woi jalan slow sikit cun." Yes, I look that bad. Sorry ah I dont have many time to sit and have a proper lunch like a princess. I will walk and eating then I will reach class on time. Sorry for my impropriate manners. I will be so selekeh until I get married, I promise.

Time.

 بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate.

                                      

Time is drifting not crawling, I'm turning 19 end of this year. 

My last teens phase and I grateful that Allah swt still give me a chance to see the world, until this moment.

I have met a lot of people with a lot of attitude either bad nor good.

Realising that I'm only 19 years old and i seen a lot of attitude make me thinking,

"what will I see or meet in future?"

Am I strong enough to face the world? But this is fact, I'm growing up and time doesn't wait.

People and life have taught me to be independent and not to rely even to your best friend even once.

I'm far away form home.

All the problem I face, I stand alone to settle it down.

It makes me stronger day by day, even second by second.

Walking around the campus and realise I hate people too much makes me to blame myself.

They are all the same, black hair and with one intention in their heart,

"I'm here to study."

I'm sorry for them,  I'm the beast.

I don't know why I easily annoyed with someone attitude.

Once I started to hate that people, it will be forever hate relationship between me and them.

Sometimes, 
I am the one who make people annoyed,
I am the one who ruined someone(s) life,
I am the one who make people to hate other people even they are close friend,
I am the mastermind.

When I woke up this morning,
I asked myself whether I can face the music,
all the remedies I can't stand.